A little bit of everything

Insurance update: we’re switching and I’m feeling great about it! Did I mention I loved my previous OB?

Testing: I forgot to mention that Kaiser’s policy is you have to announce at your 8 week appointment which prenatal tests you are going to have. No problem. Nothing invasive. Integrated screening? Check. NT scan? Check. CVS sampling? Nope. Amnio? Absolutely not. So we deliver this information to the flakey midwife who informs us that if the NT scan comes up questionable, they require the CVS, so if we’re unwilling to do the CVS, they won’t allow us to have the NT scan. Don’t know if that’s standard practice because they didn’t do this testing when my daughter was born, but I think it’s crap. I believe we’ll be out of the window for the NT scan by the time we’re officially switched to Blue Shield, but as Kaiser wasn’t going to let us have it anyway…ugh.

We went and had family holiday photos taken at a portrait studio last night. Haven’t done that in many, many years, and certainly not since PB and I have been together. We bought the CD with release rights and are getting holiday cards made at Costco (I think, still shopping around), and we had some prints made by the portrait studio that we can hand out to close family and put on our own wall. Very excited about this (though I’m not quite sure why).

Short Stuff got her upper braces today. One more thing that seems such an odd thing to be doing when I’m pregnant. It was hard not to get emotional. Just seems like such a big step, like her teenagehood is somehow solidified now. It’s a rite of passage for so many of us, isn’t it? In about 5 weeks, she’ll be 14. The day after, I turn 34. And I’ll be nearly 15 weeks pregnant. Sometimes it feels like I’m living two different lives. That I’m the mother of a high school girl, quickly blossoming into adulthood, and soon to be the mother of a newborn seems somewhat surreal.

Tonight we are decorating the Christmas tree. We got it Monday night. I put lights on last night before pictures. And now we get to dress her up all pretty. Have I mentioned how much I love the holidays? I can’t believe it is December already. And even more shocking…I have all my Christmas shopping done already!

As for the pregnancy, I finally got to stop all meds. Monday was my last day/night of suppositories. The pregnant woman finally doesn’t have to wear pads anymore! And all I have to remember is to take my prenatals and folic acid. I’m supposed to give up the aspirin as well, but…I’m nervous. We’re not past the safety net of 12 weeks yet, and though I’ve carried a previous pregnancy to term, I’m not as young as I was then, and I’m worried (a little, not obsessively).

I’ve been thinking about calling the RE and scheduling another u/s since the one with Kaiser was so crappy, but then I tell myself…I’m not bleeding. If they saw something wrong, I would be in a holding pattern. Will she miscarry or won’t she? Right now I can tell myself the baby is great, the midwife was just an idiot. If they see something wonky, but can’t say for sure…I’d just die waiting to find out something concrete. So, I’ll worry a little, and keep on keeping on until my next appointment or until I think I have something to really worry about (like blood). Then if that dumbass midwife can’t find a heartbeat at my next appointment, I’ll go to the RE for an opinion that counts.

Otherwise, life is good. I’m on the hunt for underwear that don’t dig into my gut. Bumping up to mediums did not help. What are the great maternity secrets for underwear, my friends?

What to do

Ever since my appointment last week, I have been obsessing a little over how things went. About how disappointed I was with the midwife and Kaiser’s overall process. It happens to be open enrollment for our health insurance and before this appointment, we thought we would stick with Kaiser because, well, why not? Now I’m left wondering if that is such a good idea.

In my first pregnancy, I initially had a horrible doctor that I hated. At nearly 3 months along, I switched and found the best doctor on the planet. Never regretted it for a second. Now I feel like I’m faced with the same decision, but it’s more complicated because doing so means switching insurance, and giving up mine and PB’s GP.

The insurance part isn’t so big a deal. Our premium would go up about $10 a paycheck and the coverage is exactly the same (except no IUI’s, which we now know won’t ever benefit us anyhow). It would still be an HMO, but I’m used to that. And I could go back to my previous OB (not from my daughter, like the past 2 years) whom I love.

I called the pratice and they said there was a better than 80% chance I would be delivered by my doctor. You only get delivered by an on call if your doctor is on vacation or out of town/out of reach. No getting dumped on residents. I would see my OB at every appointment unless she got called away for a delivery and then I would get a nurse practitioner (of which they have only 3). No biggie. This is exactly what I wanted.

My daughter just moved back and isn’t in love with her pediatrician at Kaiser so that’s not up for consideration. PB reminds me I would have to give up my regular doctor…again. Which I don’t really like the thought of. But, I’ll see my OB more in the next 7 months than the two of us will see our regular doctor over the next 2 years.

We have until Friday to make up our minds. I would have to finish up my appointments this month with Kaiser, but on January 1st, I would be free to see my previous OB. PB and I are going to talk about it tonight. What do you think?

 

Still sick

Thanksgiving was good. I was sick, sick, sick, but my family came anyhow and didn’t treat me like a leper which was nice (and unexpected). The original plan was PB would brave the turkey (he’s the cook, and it was our first turkey), and I would do the pies and appetizers and side dishes. He would do the light cleaning. Of course, with me knocked on my arse by this cold, he ended up taking it all on, in the kitchen for 2 days preparing, cleaning, serving…and enjoying himself. My husband loves to cook and to entertain so, though it was exhausting, he was happy to do it all. Another reason I am thankful for my honey.

Everyone got here a bit late, but that allowed me to rest which was nice. We chatted and ate and chatted and ate, and all was good. When my mother walks, she looks down at my gut and exclaims “You really do have a baby bump already!”. Yes, I really do. Thank you for making me feel less crazy about it though. I’ve been staring at it and wondering if maybe I’m seeing things because I so badly want it to be there. Perhaps someone ignorant of the pregnancy would simply find me a bit rounded, but for those in the know…

Everyone was tired and full and we had the house to ourselves again by 7pm. We crashed on the couch (ok, I was already there mostly) and watched a little t.v. Then off to bed to sleep for a solid 12 hours. A well done Thanksgiving I must say.

In the meantime, I sure hope this cold is over soon. I now have chest congestion to add to the list, but at least no fever. Hopefully in a day or two I’ll start to feel a lot better. And hopefully this means I’ll have gotten the sick thing over with and won’t have to worry the rest of the season. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Quick update and Happy Turkey Day!

Not sure that I’ll be on tomorrow, so in case I’m not, Happy Turkey Day! I hope everyone stays safe and has a wonderful holiday.

Our first OB appointment was interesting. It took 2 1/2 hours with labwork and paperwork. To me, that’s  a little insane.

As you know, we are somewhat new to the whole Kaiser thing, while getting to see my regular physician of the past few years (he moved over there in February unbeknownst to me) is a HUGE plus, my OB experience so far has been…lacking. First, they have you pick an OB, which I did several months ago. When I called to schedule my 1st appointment, I didn’t get scheduled with him, I got schedule with a midwife. I wanted a midwife, so I’m trying to be a grown up about it and not be pissed that they dumped me off on someone I DIDN’T ask for without giving me any choice.

She then tells me that she works at the hospital 6 shifts a month and my doc does as well. Sometimes they’ll overlap. In other words, any Kaiser midwife or OB could end up delivering me depending on whose working that day. I am NOT thrilled about potentially having a stranger deliver me, and given they only work 6 shifts a month each, it seems the odds are not in favor of my getting anyone I know. I’ve heard of offices where there are several doctors that you rotate between during the pregnancy, and you don’t know which you’ll get at delivery, but at least you’ve actually seen the doctor before.

Then she tells me that there is an attending resident at every delivery. They better be observing because I am not ok with someone “practicing” on me. I should have some say in my own care. Geesh!

For prenatal care, I will be vollied between her and my doc every other appointment. Then the day of delivery, I have a choice whether I have a midwife or doctor deliver me, but I have to tell them if I have a preference because they won’t ask. Am I the only one who thinks this all sounds really wonky?

The good news is, we had another ultrasound and Niblet looks great. It took the midwife forever to find the heartbeat, virtually giving me a heart attack. It seems she is not skilled with the equipment and, as expected, the equipment was less advanced than the RE’s. I kind of wish we had done our final 8wk with them instead, but in the end, we got a heartbeat, she said the rhythm looks good (even though the equipment couldn’t get a bpm), and I have to assume all is well. We are 8w1d and Niblet measured at 7w6d which is exactly where we were before. 2 days behind, totally  normal. But, after telling me that we would stick with the due date of July 6th as given to me by the RE, they promptly put a due date of July 8th in the computer. I’m sticking with the original, and perhaps I’ll fight them about it later. Or maybe I’m wrong to be so stubborn about it.

As for my cold, it is no longer little. Full blown headache from sinus pressure, runny nose, nasal congestion, and so very tired. But at least it’s only a cold. Especially since they won’t let me take anything for it. Gotta be a good baby mama and suck it up.

And, I gave in and bought a few (ok, like maternity shirts because they are longer and longer was all I needed. They don’t look like maternity clothes which made it easier for me. So I can continue with the hair tie trick and cover up with a Tummy Sock or Tube or whatever it’s called and no one but me knows…and I’m comfortable.

Happy Turkey Day all!

Call me a liar

Maybe I was just having a day yesterday. Who knows. Oddly, I have about 700 things to say today, so I’m going to get it out there.

1. Tomorrow I’ll be 8 weeks. Only 8 weeks. I’ve lost 1lb, constantly nauseous, thrown up a number of times…but I can’t button my pants anymore. Not even the “fat” pants I bought before I was pregnant.

I bought some of the Motherhood Maternity version of a Bella Band (called a Tummy Tube), but they creep up constantly – annoying. If I fold them in half as suggested, they increase my nausea. I tried using a hair elastic (work it through the hole, loop it through itself, then loop around the button), and it works great…but my zipper won’t stay up so my underwear are exposed. The Tummy Tube corrects this…until it slides up and I have to pull it down…which seems to be every 5 minutes.

They make this product that is like a waistband extender. One end has a buttonhole and the other a button. Hanging from the middle is a flap of neutral fabric, black or nude say, that is supposed to cover your exposed underwear. However, you’re still walking around with it looking like your fly is open. Not my cup of tea.

Now, maybe if my shirts were long enough, this wouldn’t be an issue. A few weeks ago, I bought some long-sleeve tees (regular, not maternity) that covered my bloaty little belly and then some. Didn’t matter that the Tummy Tube crept up because my shirt covered my fly. No more. Apparently I now have enough girth that my shirts have all shortened and they too creep up.

My bras all hurt now as well but they discontinued the line so I can’t just go get a bigger size.

And, to top it all off, my underwear are digging in and leaving deep red grooves just about everywhere you can imagine. PB says I have developed a baby bump. Which is…weird. I’m only 8 weeks. I shouldn’t be showing, not even a little, for at least 2 more months. It’s true this is my 2nd pregnancy and they say you show sooner, but it’s been 14 years! Does that really count for me?

And what am I to do about my clothing issues? I can’t very well walk into the maternity store and buy clothes this early. It was embarrassing enough having to buy Tummy Tubes at 5 weeks!  And it seems such a waist ot simply get bigger regular clothes. My jeans fit in the hips and butt…my tummy is simply beyond capacity, even if just over. It’s a great problem to have,  yes, but weird nonetheless. I’m open to any suggestions.

2. It appears I now have a cold. Mild so far, but timing couldn’t be more perfect. After all, we’re hosting Thanksgiving. My parents will be oh-so thrilled. Right now, I’ve just a runny nose and a bit of a sore throat, but otherwise, I’m fine. Hopefully it will get no worse than this.

3. Our 8 week ultrasound is on Wednesday, and I am both excited and a little scared. I’m sure all will be fine, and maybe we’ll even get to hear the heartbeat for the first time. At minimum, we’ll get to see Niblet again which is super exciting!

4. I’ve been feeling very…reflective…lately. It’s amazing when you have a baby or are having a baby, the things you start thinking about. Like your family, how you grew up, what you want to do differently, all the experiences you’ve had that you want them to have or not have, and, in my case, because my daughter is so much older, I keep contemplating what I will do different this time.

The good thing about the huge age gap is, I can look back on what I could have done better and adjust course for this one. When you have them close together like most people do, by the time you have hindsight, they are no longer children and what can you do? But being nearly done raising one child, I can look back and see what choices I made in raising her that I wouldn’t make again. That’s pretty priceless.

Still, there are a lot of things I still don’t know and never figured out as a mother. How do you help them find their gift? Does everyone even have one? If they do, and you’ve never managed to find yours, how do you guide them in finding theirs? Do I have a gift I never discovered because no one was there to help me find it?

And that’s sort of what’s been on my mind lately, what’s really going on with me. Please tell me one of you has some miraculous suggestion for my belly issues! I will not be one of those women sporting maternity clothes 3 weeks after they find out!

A whole lot of nothin’

Paul emailed my dad, and the dogs aren’t coming, and while we got some crap for it, it was a lot less than what we would have gotten were it…not my dad. They weren’t planning on bringing them which I believe minimized the potential bad outcome. Tragedy diverted.

I think I’ve said this before, but I’m going to try and really mean it this time. I’m already not posting every day, but I’m not sure I should post even every week. Definitely when milestones are passed and to share good news, but overall, probably wise for me to keep to myself and just follow my IF friends on their journey. Reasons? I don’t feel like the nicest person these days. Some days ok, some days not. School is killing me at the moment and I really need to focus. I know, I know, you’d think I could find the time to write for 30 minutes or so, but the reality is, the stress is contributing to my not being a very nice person.

Maybe I’ll change my mind once I’m feeling better. Then maybe there is a chance I can be pleasant and not rant about my family incessantly.

To the dogs

A follow up to my earlier post. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts. I so appreciate it!

All day I’ve been thinking about the post, and another post I once read about things we hold back on our blogs. The thing I try to keep at arms length, so as not to offend people with little penchant for forgiveness, is my true family scenario. I don’t think any of my family even knows I blog, but…you never know.

All I can say on this point is, there are some parents who respect their adult children. Then there are some parents who think that being a person’s parent is equivalent to being God, and as such, they will always and forever overrule their children. Should said adult child even think of having an opinion, or in anyway attempt to obstruct said parents desire to do as they please, it is deemed unforgiveable. The story will be heavily embellished so that it is clear that said parent has been horribly and unfairly victimized, and shared with anyone who will listen for the remainder of their breathing years. Said child is not allowed to refute the story. One of my parents is the former. One is the latter.

Now I’ve said too much, and if anyone in the family reads it, I’m toast. But I didn’t really so who was who, right?

Anyway, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m half tempted to have PB email my mom instead. Sort of a, Myndi’s pregnant and really exhausted and I don’t want her stressed out about the dogs, so I don’t know if you were planning on bringing them, but I think it would be best if you didn’t. Who knows.

P.S. They’ve invited my brother’s girlfriend’s sister (whom we’ve never met) and informed us she’ll be coming, just as an example. Yes, we would have said no problem had they asked, but they didn’t. Why should they? It’s not like it’s our home.

Opinions please!

As I’ve mentioned, we are hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year. So far, my parents and my youngest brother and girlfriend are coming over. Still waiting on a few more yay’s and nay’s. But I digress. My parents have two boxers, one adult (about 5 years old) and one overgrown puppy (about 2 years old, but still total puppy mentality). My brother has two boxers, sisters from the same breeding, who are about a year old. The problem is, I don’t want them bringing the dogs for the holiday.

Now, I want to start by saying, I love dogs, particularly boxers. I’ve been a dog owner, and hope to be one again sometime in the next few years – when we’re done making babies and own a home again. However, we are currently in a rental, and our landlord is vehemently against pets. Too much carpet he says (nearly 3000 sq ft of it!). And honestly, even if it were our home, 4 large dogs, including 3 puppy-minded ones that run around like they’re hyped up on coke or crank, two of which have chewed the wooden rails off of my parents stairs, just doesn’t sound like a fun and relaxing holiday to me. PB is even less excited about the idea than I am.

So the quandry: it seems we are well within our rights to request that the dogs remain at home for the day. My parents leave them every day to go to work, so this is really no different. And I don’t know for sure that they’ll even bring the dogs. They didn’t for Christmas 2 years ago (but 2 less dogs then!). My mother is the type of person who doesn’t like to have restrictions placed on her. She’ll take it as a personal insult that we don’t want them to bring the dogs, and I’ll have to listen to the story of how I ruined Thanksgiving for the next 30 years (about how much longer I assume she’ll be alive).

If we say nothing and they do bring the dogs, I’m going to be a nervous nellie all day long, following the dogs around making sure they aren’t ruining the furniture or the woodwork, or ruining the carpet, which, of course, we’ll be responsible to have cleaned. If I say something, and they were never planning on bringing the dogs, then my mom is pissed for no reason. If I say nothing and they bring the dogs, PB is not going to be happy, and frankly neither am I. It’s rude to bring an extra guest without asking the host, and it’s even ruder to bring animals into a home without prior approval, especially when you know it’s a rental and the landlord doesn’t allow pets (which they do know). I don’t care if you’re family or not. I would never, ever impose on someone like that.

So, my choices are: a) piss off my mom by saying no dogs allowed and have to spend the rest of her life paying for it or b) say nothing, and if they do bring the dogs, plan on having to fork out to do some fix it work around the house – carpet cleaning, wood repair, etc. Oh, and never host another holiday again.

What would you do?

Being open

One of my classes is Philosophy of Ethics. It’s a critical thinking course, and honestly, I really love it. There is a lot of opportunity for healthy debate and passionate discussion which is totally my forte. My father says I should have been a  lawyer because not only do I love to argue, but I have a gift for it (my father’s words, not mine). Anyway, I love the mental challenge, but I have to say, it can be very challenging to remain open-minded.

I think this class is part of my frustration lately. Every person has their own set of opinions based on their personal experiences knowledge, limited though they may be. And we all have a right to express those views. But when you discuss them, you have to be open to other people’s perspectives, to allow yourself to be challenged, even to consider that your opinion is only that and that it could be wrong.

Some of my classmates…are frustrating. We have very different perspectives about the world, and I’d be the first to admit that I don’t share their beliefs and convictions. Although I don’t believe what they believe, I respect those beliefs, and I would never say anything to trivialize them. I would never say, what I believe is right and what you believe is wrong, and would you please shut up about it, people like you are the problem with this world. That’s just…heartless, and frankly, egotistical.

So these discussions have got me thinking about the fact that it isn’t just them. I see it every day on other blogs. People tearing apart others for their beliefs because they think their beliefs are so superior as to entitle them to do so. Like they are doing the offenders and the world a great justice by exposing them for what they are. Slowly but surely, those people are coming off my blogroll and my reader.

They have a right to say their piece, and I have a right not to like it. I’m a huge proponent of free speech, even though it means a lot of ugliness is unleashed on the world. However, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. It’s a little hypocritical to preach love and tolerance by being hateful and intolerant. And right now, I simply don’t have the stomach for it.

All just my  humble opinion of course. You can take it or leave it. Read more or don’t. All I can say is, I may slip from time to time, but I am always conscious of my audience, whether I’m blogging, with my family, at the store, or on a school discussion board. It is never my intent to alienate anyone by being judgmental or ugly. Ugliness partnered with unfettered aggression is the least effective way to change the world. At least, if it’s your goal to change it for the better.

Patience or the lack thereof

The upside of 6 week courses is they are over fast. Today, I am already 1/3rd of the way through the semester. Then I have a few weeks off over Christmas and the next semester begins. Going full-time this session seems to have been a much smarter move than staying with that crappy instructor. My stress level is much, much lower. And I’m managing the workload, though some days it really isn’t that easy. Thank goodness I don’t also have to balance work.

Patience has never been one of my strongest suits, and I find it waning. Not with waiting, but with people. Things that used to rub me the wrong way now eat at me, festering, and I feel this strong need to reach out and slap some people upside the back of the head. Would you wake up please? Stop being so damned nasty! Lay off your judgment. Think about someone other than yourself. Could you consider someone else’s perspective for just one freakin’ second? The world does not revolve around you!

No, I am not referring to PB, just…people. People in my classes, people on the nets, people on tv, people in front of me in line. No, none of YOU people. Just other people. And it kills me that I let this stuff get to me all of  a sudden. I think the hormones are amplifying all my normal emotions, particularly irritation and disgust!

And despite the nausea, in the pockets of time when eating something actually sounds remotely appealing, I find myself craving salty and cheesy and spicy. I have had a grilled cheese sandwich every day for the past 3 weeks. Last grocery trip, I bought Old English cheese spread, tortilla chips, and salsa con queso. Taco Bell brought back their cheesy crunchy gordita and I can’t stop thinking about them. I’ve had 3 since Sunday. Perhaps not the best choices in the world, but if it sounds good, and I’m not feeling nauseous, I’m eating it. I’ll be more nutrition minded when I’m not dry heaving or blowing chunks most of the day.